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My journey by Christine
My story covers a lifetime, but I shall write about the last
twenty years. I had been sexually abused by a trusted family
member when I was a child. He died after a car accident
when I was ten.
When I was approximately forty years old,
I had a near fatal car accident. Although not physically hurt,
the memories and circumstances of the abuse came flooding
back. I sought help through a local mental health centre in
the town in which I was living.
I saw a good psychologist for
approximately six sessions. I could not see him for any more
sessions because of the funding arrangements at that time.
Soon after, because of the disclosure to my parents and
my own family, I became very depressed. There were two
psychologists in the town in which I lived — a husband and
wife, who operated out of a Christian bookshop. I had been
brought up in a very Catholic family, and my father’s family
were Protestants, as was my husband. I thought I would not
have any problems seeing ‘professionals’ who came from a
Christian background.
I was very vulnerable and distressed when I went to see the
female psychologist. She listened to my life story, and when
I had finished she said something along the lines of, ‘I see
so many people who have been sexually abused. You know
why you are in such distress — it is because you have turned
away from God, and allowed the devil into your family. There
is no hope for you or your family. You will end up in a mental
hospital. I cannot help you unless you turn yourself over to
Jesus Christ to save your family and yourself. The devil will do
his work, and you will perish!’
Unfortunately in my vulnerable
state this sounded all too believable. I had lost my ability to
think rationally.
On the next visit (the sessions cost me $60 per visit), she
performed a quasi religious incantation, putting Jesus Christ
into my life and banishing the devil who now seemed to me
to be in control of my life.
My home life became even more
chaotic. I was now a religious fanatic and put signs up around
my house saying ‘Repent!’ and ‘Jesus loves you.’
My children
ran around the house pulling them down and ripping them
up. They had lost their mother.
On my next visit I complained that this was going on in my
family but this was rationalised by the psychologist as proof
that the devil was indeed in our family. I went along with this
explanation as I was incapable of thinking rationally.
On the next visit I said I was going to see a hypnotist in
another town. She was aghast as she said she could
hypnotise me. I allowed her to do this. The same sort of
incantation was performed at a deeper level of my psyche so
I became even more enmeshed in her bizarre world.
Over the next seven years, despite many complications and
problems, I remained in this bizarre world. I now saw this
woman in a group setting (a Bible group) where I was kept in
line with religious fundamentalism. The group watched with
horror as the Waco disaster unfolded, and something began
to click in my brain — I was in a similar situation! The people I
interacted with were really just as fanatical — not with guns
and explosives but in their rigid beliefs. The penny dropped
and I seemed to wake up. I began to see what I was involved
in, and very tentatively, I began to express my opinion.
This
was not welcome and I became very afraid.
How was I to go about a reversal of all that had happened
over my whole life? I felt really stuck. In the town a Centre for
Victims of Sexual Assault had just started. I went there and
related the events of previous years, and so began the long
painful journey of reclaiming myself.
I moved to Melbourne in 1996. I saw counsellors and lawyers
to prepare me for a crimes compensation case. I had to fund
the case myself, but if I won, the costs would be refunded. It
was a very difficult and arduous process. I was successful and
convicted a man who had been dead for forty years. It was
only the second case of its kind to be successful.
My story
about the Christian fundamentalist psychologist was also
heard.
I complained to the Psychology Board of Victoria about
the fundamentalist psychologists. A second complaint was
also lodged when she breached my confidentiality.
Nothing
came of the complaints — the Psychology Board was ‘sorry
my feelings had been upset.’ I sought legal action against
the psychologist but was advised legally not to proceed
as I would probably lose, and would also have horrendous
legal bills. As I had already spent $6,000 in legal fees, I very
reluctantly agreed not to proceed.
Now many years later, I am able to talk about these events.
I have been able to reconnect with myself and my family. I
have seen good, ethical people in the helping professions.
My physical health is not so good, as the stress and strain has
taken its toll.
Understandably, I now have depression and PTSD (posttraumatic
stress disorder). After much trial and error, I now
take an anti-depressant and will do so for the rest of my life
as it seems to take the edge off the gloom.
This was my journey — in my experience, all you can do is
stay on the journey, day to day, enjoying the sunshine when
it breaks through.
The fundamentalist psychologists are still practising, and to
my knowledge have had no restrictions placed on their practice.
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