|
Learning to love and nurture yourself
(Excerpt from Triumph over darkness by Wendy Ann Wood, p 243)
Self-care is hard for a survivor. We often feel as though we do not deserve to be taken care of because we are "awful," "bad," or "rotten." However, self-care is a skill you must learn early if your recovery process is to progress. The reality is, if you did not get healthy emotional or physical care as a child, no one is going to be able to meet your true inner needs now except YOU. No one -- not a lover, spouse, friend, neighbour or even a therapist -- is going to meet your needs the way you need them to be met. Others can help you in this process, but all will fall short of your needs and expectations.
The goal is to do one or two caring things for yourself every day. In the beginning this may seem foreign, but it soon becomes rote, and you begin to care for yourself -- because you are someone special and you deserve it. The following is a list of self-care suggestions. Some of these ideas may not be right for you because they may contain triggers, so be sure to make your own list.
 Take a long, hot bubble bath; listen to classical music, or light candles.
Read a special book -- not one for school, work, parenting or therapy -- one just for you.
Watch old movies, eat popcorn, and drink warm tea.
Play with your animals; they give unconditional love.
Reduce your expectations of yourself.
Invest in relationships when you feel most like withdrawing.
Focus on the present. You cannot cope with the burden of the past and the fear of the future all the time.
Listen to special music selected just for your self-care time
Spend an entire day doing just what you want.
Allow yourself to cry when you need to.
Accept that you can't control everything.
Take a nap.
Go to the ocean and walk on the beach.
Get a massage. When that is too hard, get a manicure or a pedicure.
Go window shopping.
Allow yourself to verbalise your anger in a way that will not be destructive to yourself or others.
Set the table with your best dishes, linen, and silver when you are having dinner by yourself.
Write special letters to long-lost friends. Use a special pen and stationery for this.
Lie on the couch curled up with a warm blankey, a favorite stuffed animal, and soft music.
Eat and sleep according to a regular schedule.
| 
