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Confronting your perpetrator
This is a very difficult decision to make. It means facing the person or persons who left you feeling powerless, helpless and fearful. No one can make this decision for you. It is yours to make and yours alone - but you may like to discuss it with your counsellor or others. In deciding whether you will proceed you must first consider the possibility that your perpetrator will deny everything, so if you are seeking validation, do not count on it.
Should your perpetrator be a member of your family, you also have to be prepared for the possibility that other family members may side with him/her rather than with you, and that your disclosure may fragment your family of origin and sever some of your family ties.
You may be prepared to accept these outcomes, as distressing as they are. Confronting your perpetrator can be a crucial step in your healing process - but it is important for you to be aware of the potential downside.
Many survivors feel better for having disclosed their abuse regardless of whether or not they have confronted their perpetrator. Others feel that confronting him/her is vital for their recovery, and feel a sense of relief regardless of whether or not validation was forthcoming.
Naturally if your perpetrator admits the abuse, this is a bonus and you will feel vindicated. However this does not happen often.
If you have decided to confront your perpetrator:
 Rehearse what you want to say. Write it down, work it out and take notes with you if you feel they will help keep you on track.
Ask someone to go with you if you feel it will help.
Be prepared to be invalidated and have a plan (of how best to deal with it).
Stay strong in the belief that you will not allow them to hold any power over you any longer.
Remember that you are in control because you have chosen the time and the day, and you have decided to confront him/her. Control the agenda.
Utilise your support person in whatever way you think will help you most.
Hold onto your gains from the meeting, while letting go of whatever is negative. Do not allow your perpetrator to hurt you again.
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