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Tips for promoting safety
When you are experiencing intense pain or confusion or feeling lost emotionally, psychologically and/or spiritually, it can be easy to seek the advice of people who claim to have all the answers. Be careful because some may be motivated by power, egotistical need or greed rather than a desire to help. The result can be re-victimisation, further confusion or serious psychological damage. (This does not just happen with alternative therapies.) Your reactions to your abuse are ‘normal’ responses of a ‘normal’ person to abnormal and damaging life experiences. Support, validation and a sense of belonging are crucial for your healing.
These are not prescriptions for absolute safety and certainty – that is not possible but: they may be helpful starting points.
 Seek support with those who respect and understand you eg. friends or a support group.
Think about what you want to achieve eg. to address your pain or isolation, to have more self-confidence, to develop healthier relationships. List your desires and talk them over with your support people.
Review the treatments you have tried; note the pros and cons of each strategy and whether any might be worth another try with modifications. Are any of the 'cons' present in new strategies you are considering?
Check with others who have experienced the therapy or growth strategy you are considering – what were the challenges and benefits for them?
Does the type of treatment that you are considering have a central register of practitioners and a published code of ethical practice? Research it in a library or on the internet.
Is the practitioner you are considering registered and does he/she have professional indemnity insurance?
Does your practitioner invite you to bring a support person with you, at least to an initial appointment, should you so wish?
Does your practitioner discuss what is involved, including costs?
A genuine therapist or ally should:
 Respect your personal boundaries and sensitivities.
Support your proceeding at your own pace.
Welcome questions and challenges about the process.
Encourage empowerment, growth and independence.
Discuss any decision to discontinue therapy with you and help you to do so safely if that is what you choose.
Beware of gurus who want you to follow their directions without question, who claim to have all the answers, or claim dubious divine sources. Some gurus lay claim to a unique process or entice you with a heroic quest or an exotic culture and location. Beware: if you question, disagree or fail to show sufficient reverence you may well provoke ridicule, reprimand or a quiet invitation to go elsewhere.
Trust your intuition. If you feel uncertain, don't dismiss your feelings. Pause and discuss the issues involved with a support person.
Remember that your first obligation is to your own growth and safety, not someone else's ego, expectations or business.
If you choose a therapy which doesn’t suit you, discuss the issues raised with a support person. Being embarrassed is a sign that you are human - you have tried a process which is not right for you, or have tested a limit you were not ready to overcome. Because feelings of shame are commonly induced by abusive experiences, survivors often experience embarrassment as overwhelming. Admitting our embarrassment helps to combat shame and will not cause anyone worthy of our friendship to reject or ridicule us. It also reveals our vulnerability and often helps others to feel closer and safer with us.
Some alternative therapies make far-reaching claims. The emotional wounds of childhood abuse are rarely resolved by simplistic interventions but rather require complex and protracted recovery work. However strategies and techniques such as chanting mantras or using crystals or aroma therapy do bring comfort and respite. They can also provide crucial initial confidence-building steps on a healing journey. Anything we choose towards our own growth and healing is a step toward self-empowerment, even when it is a mistake (and we learn from it).
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